Fear

It has been a while since I've written anything here. The main reason for that has been because of fear.

I have been afraid of many things. What if I write something and it is misunderstood? What if I write something and it is empty and meaningless? What if it is completely devoid of God's power? What might that say about me? What might people think of me then? Fear is debilitating. It paints twisted pictures and distorts our vision of God and reality, casting doubt on all that we hold dear. Worst of all, it takes our eyes off of God and focuses them on the things that may or may not be.

I have been choosing to give into fear, and it has been destroying my life and my relationship with God. God is so amazing, He is taking the time I have spent battling fear and making something beautiful out of it. I have felt so discouraged lately, felt like I've lost so much time. Even that is a sign of fear though; I'm afraid that God can't redeem the time that I have lost. But He can and He will (and is). I can't wait to see where He takes me next. This is going to be awesome!

I was reading another blog article which a good friend of mine wrote and I ran across this near the end of the article. It is a quote from a George MacDonald book "The Prodigal's Apprentice" its talking about slavery to fear
"You must break the bonds of that slavery. No slave can be a servant of God, his servants are all free men."
Servants of God are all free men... that line right there really caught my attention. Sheds new light to the verse that talks about how you can't have two masters. God wants us to be free servants to him, but we can't be free in God's name if we are slaves to somebody else. Interesting thought isn't it? Our God is a jealous God, he wants us to be loyal only to him. Because if we're not, we're slaves to something else.

So what do I have in my life that is hindering my freedom and ability to serve God? What have I been a slave to?

I have been a slave to fear, constantly running away from all the things that might hurt. You know things are never as scary if you face them head on? Fear is a packet of lies, its only hope is to convince you that it is really scarier than it is. I like the saying, fear is a coward. you look fear dead on in the eyes, he'll run away with his tail between his legs.

Fear takes on many forms, if you listen to it it can show you many things in the world to fear. Like judgment, I have been very afraid of peoples judgment in my life. Though most afraid of my own. What if people don't think I'm good enough? What if I don't think I'm good enough? What if God doesn't think I'm good enough?

I have tried to defend myself from peoples judgments, tried to defend myself from myself, never worked out well. But that is because I haven't been seeing the real problem. Slavery to fear.

I have also been afraid of failure. What if I fail? What will happen then? People always expect so much of me, what will they think of me if I fail? How many people will I disappoint then? You know, it seems strange, but in order to succeed, you have to give yourself permission to fail.

I'm choosing to give up on fear. I don't know how that will work, or what that will look like. Fear has been apart of my life all through my growing up years. But God knows what my life looks like without fear. He's the one that does the magic, all I have to do is make the choice continually to be free in Gods name.

I choose to give up on fear. I am not a child of fear, but a child of hope.

So this is me, free from fear, speaking the things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). I love being without fear, the world is so much brighter, so much... more free. I can do things like write this blog and not worry about the fact that it is disjointed and jumps around from thought to thought. I can enjoy the process of writing without being hindered by the fear of what people will think of the end product. I am free to succeed or fail as I see fit. I am free to live whatever life I choose, and I choose to live the life of God.

I love being free.