God, Grace, and a Child

In the week that I have had, I've struggled with remembering to have grace with myself. It can be so hard to forgive yourself when you make mistakes and you've messed up yet again, and you can't believe you didn't learn from the last ten times you've made this mistake, and you can't believe your not a better person yet. Well, in struggling with this and in talking to God about it, trying to find a way to live with myself God gave me this picture of how our conversation looked.

God and a young girl are going for a walk, Now the girl is wearing a beautiful white dress, which she is very proud of and delighted in, in makes her feel special every time she see's that dress because it reminds her of God's love for her and his delight in her. "Look!" she thinks to herself, "Look how wonderful a Father I have! He bought me such a beautiful dress!" But as their walking the girl gets distracted by something in the distance, she lets go of God's hand, and very shortly after trips and falls flat on her face in the mud along the side of the path. Seeing her mistake she immediately starts weeping and reaches up to God to lift her up. God reaches down to His daughter, smiling and rejoicing in her trust in Him that she is the sort of daughter who loves and trusts her Father enough to cry out to Him when she falls. He lifts her up and brushes the mud off of her, his eyes full of love the whole time. But the little girl never stops crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Father, I got mud on the beautiful dress you gave me. I'm so sorry, I should never have gotten distracted. I'm so sorry."

God looks at His daughter, the strong love never leaving his eyes, there is laughter in his eyes as well. "I don't know what your talking about, there is no mud on your dress."

"But I fell in the mud, my white dress is covered in mud." This whole time the little girl is crying so hard, and is so afraid to see her beautiful dress covered in mud that she hasn't even bothered to look and see how bad the damage is.

Her Father laughs, knowing that soon her tears will dry and she will see the truth. "What do you mean its covered in mud? Look see for yourself, it is just as white as when I first gave it to you."

"No Father, didn't you hear me? Didn't you see me? I fell in the mud! I'm covered in mud, I'm covered in dirt, my dress is dirty! didn't you see me?"

"Yes, I can see you, my beautiful child with a beautiful dress, look at yourself, not the image of what you think you must look like, trust me, look at yourself and you will see your dress is clean, and so are you."

The little girl looks down, and giggles through her tears. "But Father, how? I fell in the mud! How can it be that my dress is clean?"

"You dress is clean, and it always will be, not because you keep it clean, but because I have given it to you, it is a reflection of me. I will never fall in the mud, and because of that, the mud will never be able to stick to that dress."

The little girl looked up at her Father thoughtfully, then she smiled taking his hand again as they started walking. "I still don't like falling in the mud," She said, and hugged her Father's arm "But I'm glad the mud has no power over my dress." And with that she took off skipping, with her Father right beside her, hand in hand.

Weariness, a Gift of God

I could not rest so well in the evening after a long day of work if I were not weary. God grants us weariness in service for our work so that we might rest. When we get to Heaven I do not think that we will grow weary, but I also do not think we will have any trouble resting in the presence of the Lord at that point. But here and now, is this fallen world, God has blessed us with weariness and has granted us the ability to rest after our labors are done. To rest is a holy thing, God created the world, and then He rested. If we were never weary, I doubt we would ever so fully realize our need for resting in the presence of God. This week has been really hard on me, and I have been exhausted. It is not as though I have done a lot, at least, it is hard for me to account for anything I have really done, but I have been so warn down and weary and I couldn't understand why. I felt that maybe I had done something wrong that let this weariness in, if I had worked all day on something tangible I would believe that I had earned my rest, But all I did was stand firm under the abuse of hard words and accusations that have been thrown at me over and over this week. That's not much right? (well, ok, so maybe its a lot...) But I haven't felt like I was justified in my weariness, like I had to earn more of it as though it was a prize that I had to be worthy enough to earn. But at the same time feeling guilty like I had done something wrong to earn the weariness. I have gone back a forth in a struggle feeling like weariness was a good gift that I didn't deserve, and at the same time it was something to be ashamed of and I'd gotten my weariness because I did deserve it.

Then this morning as I was thinking about it God smiled at me and told me a secret, "weariness is a gift of God". Praise God! Hallelujah! Praise his name forever, for he has given us weariness granted our hearts the gift of coming to the end of ourselves and be able to see, so clearly, or desire and need to rest in God. Hallelujah! :) May the name of our Lord be praised! Thank you Lord, for rest, and for the weariness that is our God-given-heart crying out that we have reached the end and it is a good time to rest. This is a very good thing :) I am glad for my weariness, and glad that God gives us rest.

Christian A-Z

This is a story from the other side of the fence so to speak. It is a story of the grief and frustration of a hurting people who are crying out for something more, but offered nothing but empty hope.

a stranger walked up to me
and asked me for my name
he said he was a christian
and knew I lived in shame
t'was sinning was the problem
it really was so sad
but hope is for the willing
ev'n for one so bad

cuz there's a god that loved me
and his son could take my shame
all I had to do was pray
and speak his holy name

then the stranger left me
with a slip from a-z
on how to be a christian
as he walked away quickly

yes oh christian for duty spare
a few minutes only
and that for conscience sake
but never stay too long
offer an empty message
then forget me when you're gone

seems I'm worth a lot to you
how much more then to your god?
not worth the time it takes
now I see your 'love'

so you speak of this 'god of love'?
well I've heard it all before
my boy friend said he loved me
and walked out the door

he left me just this morning
for a sweeter thinner girl
and now I've found I'm pregnant
and hope abortion is the cure

and look here,
the paper says I have a father
who loves me very much
thats what my father used to say
before he'd beat me up

it also says god loves me
that this jesus is the key
religion and a swear word
will change my life for me

well I've had enough of jesus christ
he's been sworn at me all my life
and the paper says he's dead and gone!
and yet, (its creepy) he's living on and on?

they say he died to save my life
seems a waste to me
how a death so many years ago
could help to set me free
"but wait! he lives!" they say
and yet I live in hell all day

I do not understand your god
your religion seems so strange
you talk about blood and love
and swiftly walk away

all I know of your god sir,
is what I've seen from you
this god you represent
really can't be true

you say he truly loves me
and wants to save my life
and yet I know that you don't care
you've walked away
and left me dieing here

I'm welcome to be a christian
as far as your concerned
my blood is off your hands
you don't even see my pain
you hardly see my eyes
so quick are you to say your spiel
your words are ill formed lies

how dare you speak to me of love?
you do not know my life
I can never have this hope of yours
all I've ever seen is strife

I hate the world I live in
and a hell is coming you say
well let it come and maybe
it will burn the pain away

cuz all I've even known is pain
to hope is a dangerous fare
pain I have long endured
but to hope I shall not dare

so speak your lies no more
upon this broken heart
I almost thought to hope again
this pain has been so hard

but hope is a shattered thing
best to leave alone
the longing in my heart
is worse than hate to bear

so I drop the paper on the ground
its meaningless to me
an empty god and empty hope
is all from you I've seen


and tears fill our Saviors eyes
as watching He longs to embrace,
and we the ones who bear his name
slowly walk away.