A Long Time Ago, There Was a Prince.

A long time ago, there was a prince. He was a very good prince and loved his people dearly. But the prince had an enemy. This enemy was not very strong but he was crafty, and he hated the prince with a passion. He knew he could not defeat the prince or attack the man directly, for the prince was very strong and a valiant warrior, so the enemy thought of a different way to drive a dagger into the heart of the prince whom he so despised. The enemy disguised himself as one of the princes messenger’s and traveled amongst the people telling lies about the prince and reminding people of the things they feared most, telling them of many strange and terrible things that cast fear into their hearts. Many people forgot their former confidence they had had in their prince and his ability to protect them; fear, something that the kingdom had not known for a very long time began to slip through the cracks in people’s homes. No longer did people sleep so soundly in their beds. Many people even started to hear strange noises in the night, they spread rumors too. These things only seemed to confirm in their minds the truth of the enemy’s lies. The enemy delighted in the chaos and pain he was spreading, knowing how troubled the prince would be to see his people suffer so.

The prince learned quickly of his enemy’s doings and his heart was greatly grieved by the pain that was being inflicted on his people. He knew that he could stop the enemy at once, he had the ability to hunt down and capture or kill this bringer of chaos, but he also knew that his people had put their trust in the enemy, and it would only hurt them more to bring him down now. So in his loving wisdom, and with the help of both his father, the king, and the counsel of his good friend, he devised a plan.

“I will disguise myself as one of our people father, and I will go about the land and amongst our people not as a prince but as a friend and brother. I will tell them things that will remind the hearts of those hungry to hear, that there is something more to life than fear.” Both father and friend heartily agreed with his plan.

“Son,” said the king, “I have another thing to add to your plans. So that we may take further power away from the enemy and increase our peoples love for us and confidence in us, so that they are not so easily swayed. Bring all that hear your words and remember their love and trust. Come with them, and bring them to the palace, we will coronate all who are willing and who love you and accept the word you speak to them, we shall make them princes and princesses, a part of our family, and when your time is done and you return to me as prince of the land, they can go back and continue the work you have started.”

“This seems very good to me,” said the friend, “But there is still one thing I would add, I will stay here for the time being, it is yours to go first and be among your people. But when you return and send out those who have learned to love you and follow you, I will go with them. They need to hear and know of your love for them, they need to know it not only from you, but from those who know you best. I will tell them about you and about your father, the king. When they know you as I know you, they will no longer listen to the words of the enemy and be driven by this fear he tries to spread. Instead their hearts will be filled with love and confidence. Then they will gladly serve you and give their lives for you and for your people, because they know that you would do the same for them.”

And so it was agreed, and the plan delighted the hearts of the three. As soon as all the preparations were made, the prince donned the garb of a peasant and leaving behind all his finery and the comforts of the castle, as well as his horse, he took up a walking stick and started his journey to be with his people.

The prince wandered for many months, speaking to those he met and in the town squares telling people of the love, the king, had for them. Teaching them and proclaiming a new way of living, a way full of confidence in the love of their king, a life free of fear and the terrors that stalk the night and hang around the edges of what we see and know. He taught them and reminded them of the life they had once had, of things they only barely now remembered. Children came flocking to him in the droves, their precious little hearts hated the fear they saw around them all the time. Here was a man with confidence and words that spoke of freedom from the fear they had known, at this point, all their lives. Many others listened to his words and followed him as he walked and travelled, marveling at his words. It seemed too good to be true, what would life be like without fear? So strong was the fear that no one remembered what it had once been like, when they had all lived with confidence and trust in the lord the king and his son. But hearts rejoiced at his words, but they were afraid as well, could his words actually be true? How could his words be true when things were so dark around them? Fear and longing warred in their hearts, but still many chose to follow him, many chose to hope that this man, lowly as he might seem, might actually know how to save them, and give them something they could only hope might be real.

Many, however, those who had listened closest and dearest to the words of the enemy, and especially those who had seen the fear in those around them as a means to control people, did not great the prince with joy. These men and women regarded the prince with suspicion and anger. Who was this man to come into their lives and their towns spreading word in this manner to the people of the land. Were not their lives hard enough? Did they need false hope to burden them down? Surly this man was a fraud, what could he know about the king? It was treason for one so lowly to speak with such intimate terms regarding the king of the land, he must be punished for his insolence. In the name of the king let him be punished! Or so they said in their hearts. But they also were slaves to fear, and did not turn against him yet, the people loved him too much, they knew they had to wait a while before they tried to do anything to harm him. The enemy was there as well, wherever the prince went, though he never showed himself too boldly, for he, of all people, had the most reasons to fear the prince. The very sight of the prince of sound of his voice was enough to drive terror into the heart of the enemy, but as he would hide, and there terror would lessen the hate would always grow strong again in his heart. Whenever the prince moved on, left a town, or stayed in someone’s house, that is when the enemy struck. A whisper here, a scoff there, whatever he could to encourage the people’s disdain and their fears. As long as they did not learn to love the prince, as long as their hearts refused to believe how much the prince and the king loved them, the enemy knew he still had power over them. But once they became aware of the prince’s love and devotion for them, he would lose all grasp he had on them. Then the prince would win. How his anger and hatred boiled at that thought, and how his heart trembled when he thought of the day that would inevitably come, when the prince would turn his hand against him, and come hunt him down. The enemy knew he could only have so much time, but in that time, he would do whatever damage he could.

The prince continued to walk among his people with confidence and without fear, and to show them a new way of living. The crowd following him continued to grow, though they still had fear in their hearts. Some of the crowd however, began to draw very close to him, close enough to call him friend. They had many long talks with him, some even going into the late hours of the night or early morning. He told them many things, things about the king, things about himself, things about the world and about themselves. Often they did not quite understand his words, but something about them and the man they followed began to stir a hunger in their hearts that they could not deny. This was a man, not only that they wanted to know, but they wanted to be like.

Finally the hate in the enemy’s heart grew beyond what he could bear and despite his fear the enemy began to make plans against the prince. The more prominent leaders and people of the town who feared the prince and his words of freedom began to meet in small clumps and whisper. Their fear turned to hate as the enemy went from group to group planting lies and hate in the hearts of the people. A plan began to form in their hearts, but still their fear was too strong.

The prince knew of course of the enemy and his followers, he could see them meeting in the streets, see their hate for him in their eyes. He watched as they whispered lies about him through all the villages, turning many people away before they ever got a chance to meet him. Still he did not rise in anger against them, though he grieved at the unneeded pain their actions caused. But he was in the business of healing hearts and dispelling fear, anger and wrath are not the tools for that. So he waited and continually showed his love for his people in all that he did, reaching out to those who would heed his voice and listen when he called.

As the months continued to pass the accusers of the prince became bolder and began to get louder. Their words would sometimes echo across the streets, when he passed their houses they would spit at him or shut their doors in his face. Many people left him in this time, their hearts turned aside by the anger and fear of their neighbors. But some still remained strong and followed him; they knew that if they left now they would have nothing left. They had given everything to follow him, now he was their all, they had nothing left to loose, and everything to gain.

It was a dark night when tragedy hit. The prince had been asleep in his bed when he was awakened by the sound of a young girl’s cries for help. Immediately he jumped from his bed, grabbing his outer robe as he ran from the house heading in the direction of the cries. He had very sharp hearing and his sense of direction was very astute, so it did not take him long to track down the girl. To this day I do not know, and the prince has never told me, what the girl was doing out so late, or why she was where she was, I imagine it had something to do with the enemy. But there the girl was, she had been walking near the edge of a cliff, had slipped, fallen and slid part of the way down before catching herself on a small ledge which she now clung to desperately. Underneath her was a sheer drop of a couple hundred feet into the jagged bed of the river that ran at the bottom of the ravine.

The prince took in the situation in an instant and just as quickly started moving to rescue the girl. He had no rope that he might be able to lower down to her, though even if he did he doubted she would be able to grab it amidst her fear, but he also could not lower himself down to her either. The cliff was treacherous and it was dark but the prince took no regard for these things as he shimmied as best he could over the edge and along towards were the girl clung. He tried to call out to her to reassure her that he was coming but her cries for help were so loud she could not hear him. Fortunately the cliff at this part had a little bit of a slope to it and in a short period of time he was able to get down nearby where the girl was and still have solid, though steep, footing. Here he paused however, the girl was still screaming as loud as she could and still did not know he was there. If he came alongside her too suddenly she might panic and fall just as he was trying to reach for her. He could not safely approach her until she quieted enough that he could let her know he was there and had come to save her. The prince waited and waited, and finally the girl’s screams turned to sobs and her sobs quieted down, she was losing strength.

Then the prince reached out his hand, “Hush, I am here, I heard your cry for help and I’m here to rescue you.” The girl started slightly but kept her grip as she turned to look at him. Then the prince saw who she was, she was the oldest child of the leader of the village, one of his people who hated him the most. She turned white with fear when she saw him, her father had been telling her all about this man. She looked at his offered hand back to him again then down at the drop below. “If you would rather not accept help from me I can go and see if I can bring someone else to help you.” Said the prince as he waited, his heart yearning to sweep the girl up and carry her to safety.

Her face grew even paler at the thought of being left alone and she quickly reached her hand out towards his. “No please, don’t leave, please, help me, please.”

He snatched her hand and pulled her quickly to his arms where he held her a moment as she trembled and shook. Then carefully, slowly, he made the climb back up, watching every step he took to make sure it would hold both their weights. By the time he had made it to the top the girl had passed out from exhaustion and the strain of it all. Gently he carried her back to town.

Now the prince had been staying in a house near the edge of town, and his hearing was much more acute than anyone else in town, so no one else had heard the girls screams and cries for help. But sometime right about the time the girl was starting to quiet down on the cliff, back in the village the girl’s mother burst out of the house screaming. “My child is gone! My sweet girl has gone missing!” The news spread quickly and soon the whole town was awake and searching for the lost girl. Not much longer after that it was noticed that the strange man who wandered from town to town (the prince) was also missing. For those who knew the prince this filled their hearts with joy, for they knew no one was more likely to save the girl and bring her back unharmed than the prince, but for those who did not know the prince this filled their hearts with anger and dread. Soon the villagers were no longer looking for the lost girl, they were searching for the prince, and many of them were armed.

A cry went up from the edge of town, they had found him! He was stumbling, weary from exhaustion; his outer cloak was wrapped around the still unconscious girl and hid her from their view. But they weren’t looking for her anymore; they only had eyes for him. “Murderer!” “Thief!” “Kidnapper!” the cries rang out. The enemy nearly danced with glee as he went from person to person egging them on. It was all going so perfectly!

The words got louder and louder, and then came the stones. No one ever remembered who threw the first stone, or even, how they had all ended up so perfectly equipped with the stones to throw. The prince saw the stones coming and quickly turned to shield the girl from their impact. He laid her gently on the ground and used himself as a shield against the coming missiles. He’d tried to talk to them, tried to call out and tell them what had happened, but they would not listen. Just as they were beating the last of his consciousness out of him the girls eyes fluttered open. As his eyes closed and his strength failed him she heard him say one last thing. “Thank you, thank you for letting me rescue you. It was an honor.” A stone caught him on the back of the head, and the weight he had been holding off her as he struggled to protect her gave way and he collapsed. She started to scream.

All else fell silent as her scream ripped through the crowd. She pushed his limp body over as she struggled to stand up, turning to kneel beside him cradling his face in her hands. “He rescued me! He saved me! I was out where I shouldn’t have been I slid off the edge of a cliff and he came to rescue me! This whole time he was trying to keep me safe and you murdered him! Look what you have done! Is this really what you wanted? Is this really the sort of people you want to be? I hate you! I hate you all! Go! All of you go! And leave me alone!”

Her words cut the air like knives. Her mother stepped forward but her daughter’s glance stopped her. “I do not wish to talk to anyone right now mother, least of all you. Did you not even notice? Did no one notice that he was carrying me? Did no one notice me at all? He saved me, carried me all the way here, and this is what you have done. Leave me. Now.”

The crowd dispersed and as it did so the prince’s followers came rushing forward, they had heard the commotion but had not been able to stop what had happened. They gathered around the girl and the prince weeping and covering him with what blankets, coats or shawls they had with them. Morning came around and none of them had moved, their hearts were too sore and there was nothing they felt like they could do to move the body. All day they sat with him, none of them moved even to eat or drink as they sat in silent watch. The sun set and still they stayed, weeping and watching, none of the villagers approached them. All around the village a silence hung no one wanted to talk about what had happened.

Dawn of the next day came. The girl’s mother brought them a bucket of well water and a dipper. She didn’t say anything as she left it near them but the girl smiled her thanks in return and the mother went away her heart eased a little. Hours passed and it was just reaching midmorning when the sound of horses hooves could be clearly heard on the road leading into town. Everyone gathered, though those watching over the prince did not move. Who would be coming to their town on horseback? What did they want? What would they think when they saw what had happened? Around the corner, crown glinting in the sunlight, came the king. Behind him were his most trusted servants and the palace’s best carriage. You see the king had been watching over his realm and keeping an eye on his son from afar and he had seen what had happened.

The villages were dismayed at the sight of the king; they drew back as he rode straight to where the prince lay. Their dismay increased when he jumped of his horse and knelt by his son’s head. “Son, oh my son!” His cry echoed around the village, and a great wail went up from the villagers, what had they done? The king bent his head and wept, as did all the villagers. For a time no one moved.

Then gently the girl reached her hand and laid it on the king’s arm. “He died protecting me. I’m so sorry, if I hadn’t… if I… maybe if…” the king shook his head.

“No sweetheart. This is not your fault, in truth I am not here to cast blame or kill those who would be responsible for this act. My people have forgotten my voice; they have forgotten the trust they once had in me. It is that forgetfulness that has caused this, for in truth they did not know what they were doing. If they are willing, I would still have them remember their love for me, turn to me that I might heal their broken hearts. They do not now remember anything but a life filled with fear and sorrow. Besides, what greater thing could I do to them than what they have already done to themselves? There will come a time of reckoning and all who have not learned to call on my name and heed my voice will be dealt with. But that time is not now. There is still hope for these people.”

“You sound just like him.” One of the prince’s follower’s observed looking intently at the king.

“That is because he is my son, prince of the land, and he knows me and my heart well. He has been my messenger to the land, but now it is time to bring him home.”

“Sir, he’s dead.”

The king didn’t respond immediately but picked the prince up and carried him to his carriage. “If you believe that, then there is no reason to follow me, but if you want something better to hope in, and live for, then come follow me, and we will see what shall become of your prince.”

As a whole everyone of the prince’s follower’s stood up, including the girl. “We will follow.”

“Good, my servants will lead the way to the castle, we must go on ahead.”

Not quite knowing what to make of it all, but filled with a strange sense of hope the group headed off as quickly as they could to the castle near the center of the realm. It took them many days to get there, but though their excitement and anticipation to finally arrive at the castle was great they did not mind the length of the journey. They spent the long hours talking and sharing stories of the prince and the things he had taught them. The girl heard many strange and marvelous stories and her heart was warmed to hear of his goodness and kindness. These people were so different from the ones in the rest of the village. The sores in her heart began to heal as she listened to more and more of the prince’s words, and her heart ached more and more to think of what she and the other villagers had said and done to him.

Finally they arrived. The group was filled with hushed anticipation as they made their way up the steps to the entrance of the castle. A servant met them at the door, “come, there is someone who is looking forward to seeing you.” They hardly dared to breathe as they followed the servant. He led them into a grand hall filled with beautiful tapestries paintings and sculptures, and there, on the far side of the hall, looking out a window, stood the prince.

He turned to great them and their joy was profound. His laughter joined in theirs as they met and embraced all around the group. The prince rejoiced to see that the girl he had saved had come as well.

At last, as things calmed down one of them managed to ask, “my lord, how is it you’re alive? How did this happen? When we last saw you we thought sure you were dead.”

The prince smiled as he looked at them. “There is much you have yet to learn about my father, but one thing that this land desperately needs to know is that he is a master healer, and longs to heal the wounds of this land and his people. But first he had to heal them in me. But come, we shall not tarry, my kingdom is at war and as we speak the enemy continues to spread lies that wreck people’s lives, homes and families. There is much for you to learn, but first I have something for you to do and someone for you to meet.” At this he led them to his father’s throne room. There his father and the prince’s friend sat waiting, smiles wreathing their faces.

“My father you have already met, and this here is my dear friend, whom I hope you will get to know quite well soon. Father, friend, may I present to you the new additions to our family.”

The king stood up with his arms spread wide, “welcome home, my sons and daughters, welcome home.”

The group looked at each other, unsure of how to respond. The prince stepped forward and smiled. “Some time ago an enemy of both my father and I started to spread rumors against us across our entire kingdom, and turned our people’s hearts toward fear and away from us. In order to regain our people’s trust, and to bring them back from the fear that they now live with in every waking hour of their life, I was sent out to go amongst them. And it was decided by my father that any who would accept my word among them and turn towards me and follow me that my father would adopt as his sons and daughters that they might know him not only as king but as a father and that they might better be able to talk among his people in his kingdom without fear of anything the enemy might say or do. And thus it was decided that all who would follow me home, if they so desired, would be crowned princes and princesses and become members in the royal family.”

The group looked at each other in amazement, than all as one they knelt, humbled in their heart by what they had heard. “My lord,” said one who often remembered the princes love for his people, including himself, “this seems too great a thing to accept, but if you and your father deem it right, then I for one accept.” The rest of the group murmured ascent, though the girl the prince had rescued looked up questioningly.

“Yes daughter?” The king asked, smiling at her kindly.

“I… well… Sire, even me? I hardly know the prince, I only followed him because I was worried, and he had been so kind and had rescued me… I don’t feel like I can accept this, I’m not really one of his followers. I’m the daughter of one of the people who accused him most. I even accused him and spoke harshly of him to my friends. I do not feel like I deserve this.”

The king smiled down at her, but it was the prince who answered. He stood in front of her and looked her in the eyes. “If you could choose now, which would you desire? To stay with me and be one of my followers, or to go home to your village and still speak against me?”

The girl’s eyes flashed as she stood up straight, meeting his gaze. “I never want to speak ill of you again; I want to be with you; I want to follow you. If you will have me I want to be yours.”

The prince’s eyes lit up as he smiled for joy. Laughing he picked her up and twirled her around. Still laughing he set her feet carefully on the ground though he remained holding her hands. “Let it be known to all, that when the work that my father has given you is done, and when the time is right, I will make you my wife.”

The girl gasped. Those of his followers who had been with him the longest started to grin, though some who had only just started to get to know the prince looked a little confused. The girl was the most confused of them all.

“You can’t be serious, you can’t… actually mean me, why would you say that? Why would you want to marry me?” She looked at the prince with wide eyes, fear biting into her heart. What could he possibly mean?

“I am very serious, more than serious.” Replied the prince, “I would not say it if it were not so.”

“But you can’t possibly love me like that, you can’t possibly… I am not worthy of that sort of love, I am not… I’m not the sort of girl you should be with. I… there’s no reason for you to want to marry me.” Fear warred in her heart mixing with anger at the thought that he might be playing the fool with her, what if this was all a lie? But behind the fear, as she kept her eyes on him, deep in her heart there was a growing desire for what he said to be true. What if he could want me? What if he is actually speaking the truth? Trembling she watched him and waited.

He smiled at her. It was an odd smile, he looked almost as if he expected her to be joking, as if her protests were a little ridiculous. Despite herself she found herself smiling back; laughter forming in her heart, though she held it back, still unsure.

“Let me be the judge of who is worthy and who is not. And let me judge what sort of girl I will choose to love. Let me judge if there is a reason for the desire in my heart to call you mine. Trust me that I would not pursue you if I did not love you, and I would not ask for your hand in marriage if it were anything but the most precious gift you could give me. Trust me that I love you, and that nothing you can say or do will change that.”

“But why me?” She looked at him, eyes still shadowed with fear. “Why?”

“Answer me this,” again he smiled at her, laughter dancing in his eyes. “Do you want to be mine, to marry me?”

Fear filled her heart, but something else flashed out stronger: her desire to say yes. How she longed to throw fear and reason aside and throw herself in utter abandon at his feet and say yes. Yes I love you, yes I will marry you. But how can you be sure? The age old question echoed in her heart. Be sure? Be sure of what? That she loved him? That he loved her? That everything would work out? What exactly was she sure of? In her mind’s eye she saw him again reaching out to her as she clung desperately to the cliff, the love in his eyes as he offered her his hand. She remembered again him thanking her for the privilege of rescuing her right before the stones finally knocked him unconscious. There was one thing she was sure of: this was a man she could trust. If she could trust him, if she allowed herself to trust him, past all logic, past all fear, past all thoughts of reason, if she allowed herself to trust him the way she longed to trust him. Then there would be no fear as to whether or he loved her. He said he loved her, and that was enough. She would choose to trust.

“Yes, I want to marry you, yes please yes.” She laughed, cheeks burning and heart aglow. “Yes I will marry you, my prince.”

With a shout of joy the prince took her in his arms again and spun her around. Laughing and twirling he danced around the room with her in his arms. Finally he set her down again and turned to his father. “Father, may I present to your newest daughter, and very soon to be, my wife.”

The girl blushed again and dropped into an awkward curtsy. “Sire.”

The king smiled at her and laughed; reaching down he took her hand. “You are my beloved daughter, in whom I am well pleased. I am very proud of my son’s choice.”

“I still don’t understand why he chose me, Sire.”

“That is ok, you will understand more as time goes on. And remember, its father now, not Sire. You are a member of the royal family yourself you know.” With that he stepped forward, face beaming with pleasure. In his hand he held a beautiful crown which he placed on her head. “Welcome home, princess.”

The prince’s followers all cheered. Tears welled in the girl’s eyes as she looked back and forth between the prince and her father.

Then the prince motioned her up to stand with him and his father as they turned to welcome the rest of his followers into the royal family. “Come,” He said to her, “help me welcome your new brothers and sisters into our family.”

One by one the prince led each of his followers to his father, and one by one they were crowned. Their faces reflected joy and astonishment. Much was the laughter and many the tears that were shed, though no one’s laughter was quite as beautiful nor shed quite so many tears as the bride-to-be.

After this there commenced a coronation feast where there was much laughter and rejoicing. During the feast the prince gave his followers a new robe to wear and to remember him by. To his bride-to-be he gave a dress of surpassing beauty. “Wear this” he said, “and remember the love that both I, and your father, have for you. You are my princess, cherished in my heart forever.” All the followers rejoiced in this gift beyond all others that they had received.

Then as the feast neared its end the prince stood up, goblet in hand. “This is a great day, and there is much reason to rejoice, here among us many people who had been in bondage to the enemy have been set free. Now that you have known freedom and that you have known both the father and I, now I would send you out again, my people need to hear about their king, they need to know how much he loves them and would ease their suffering and heal their hearts if only they would let him. Tonight you will sleep here, but tomorrow you must go, go to the people and tell them what you have learned. Tell them of my father, tell them of the life they can live in peace and joy instead of fear. And when they are ready, bring them back here that we may add them to our number and send them out as well and in this way reclaim our entire kingdom. You will be ridiculed, banished, abused, slandered and spit upon. People will question your sanity and your birthright. But I tell you the truth, you are heirs to the kingdom, you are sons and daughters of the king, nothing and no one can change that.”

He turned to the girl he had rescued, “Tell my people of the love I have for them.” She nodded her head, “ I will.” Even now she yearned to go back outside the castle and fight for her prince’s people, for her people, to tell them of a life without fear. A life full of trust and love.

The prince continued talking. “But I will not send you amongst them alone. I cannot go with you now, my time to return has not yet come, but I will send with you my dear friend. He has offered to join you guys in this task and there is no one that I would trust more or would rather be with you guys. He knows both me and my father. He has much that he can teach you, listen to his words and it will go well with you.

“But come, let us drink to our father the king, his love for us is never ending and his hand brings healing to our lives. May his name forever be on our lips, amen.”

Thinking out Words... Again :)

Imagine yourself in a car driving along the road and all of a sudden you see Jesus standing on the side of the road with his thumb out wanting a ride. Now you're a good person so you think to yourself "if I let Jesus into the car I have to make sure I do whatever he says and go where ever he tells me to". So you stop the car open the passenger side door and say, "Hey Jesus come on in", so he comes in sits down and you turn to him and ask. "Where would you have me go Lord?" And you wait for an answer, but he doesn't say anything.

I heard this short story in a sermon given by Bob Hamp called Life in the Kingdom. It was used as an example of how most of us view our walk with Jesus, he gets in the car and we are really careful to listen to what he says so we don't get any of the turns wrong. Now see, this kind of makes sense to me, after all, it is my job to make sure I get this right isn't it? Right? I mean, it's really kind of a big job sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get it right and I might as well give up now while I still have the strength to walk. But God is with me, so it will be alright in the end, right? As long as I hold onto that thought, that fact, that truth, I'll be ok, as long as I remember that I'm going to be ok, then I'll be ok, right? There are days when I feel like I'm drowning and I'm crumbling under the pressure of it all, and all I really want to do is say that I really don't feel ok. Those days when I want to scream from the rooftops that I'm drowning please someone help me! But I can't do that, I have to remember that I'm going to be ok, because then I'll be ok.

Ugh... how exhausting is that? Do you notice a theme that stands out to you at all in what I said? As long as I, if only I, God will help me if I... If we are always standing on our own strength it's no wonder we're feeling squished. What would happen to me if I can't save myself? If I don't have the strength to reach God what will happen to me? How will I save myself? Sort of feels like I left God out of the picture. But he's not, he's right there sitting in the passenger seat, and as long as I listen and obey what he says and drive us well enough, we'll both get where we're going... right? Wow... this is still exhausting... But what if I mess this up? Does that mean we're both doomed? If I get myself lost does Jesus get lost with me? (you know sometimes our thoughts sound really silly when we take them out and air them a bit) :)

On a side note I've recently discovered something, do you know its impossible to loose yourself? The only way you could ever be lost, is if God didn't know where you were.

But anyways, back to work cleaning out moldy thoughts... where was I... :) Ah right. So in listening to this sermon by Bob Hamp he gave another variation of the above story, a different image of what letting Jesus have control in your life would look like.

Imagine again, your in your car and you see Jesus on the side of the road wanting a ride. so you stop the car, jump out of the drivers seat, walk around into the passenger seat, wait for Jesus to come inside and say "Jesus my car is yours, take me where you will."

phew, so much less work! Does that mean I can just sit next to Jesus and let him drive for me? Wow, that would be so nice, I might even get a chance to take a nap and catch up on some of that rest I've been behind on... Though it sounds kind of easy, what's to stop me from being lazy and forgetting that He's in the car? Lol :) I just had this picture of me sitting in the car looking out the window resting in the presence of my Lord as he's driving along... ok :) so if he's there and he's still driving why would I think forgetting him would even be an issue? It's sort of like being afraid of forgetting that Dad is driving the car while your on the way to your friends house... so what if you are conscious about who driving or not? He's still got the wheel right? Ok, wow, that would be so nice to sit back and enjoy the ride for a while, wouldn't that be fantastic. Simply to rest in the assurance of Jesus being Lord.

So in thinking about this story my first question was, well ok... but what happens if I take the steering wheel back from Jesus? I had this image of him driving then me panicking grabbing the steering wheel and making a mess of the whole situation. It is amazing how arrogant we can be sometimes, we have the most powerful God in all creation on our side and we're still convinced we are strong enough or prone to evil enough that we can mess this whole thing up if we don't try hard enough. "God I know you're trying hard to save me, so don't worry, I'll try really hard to make sure I'm saved." It sort of makes sense doesn't it? We do have the ability to mess this up don't we? Well... kind of... we have the ability to let ourselves be miserable, we have the ability to listen to all the lies of the devil and believe him when he says that we are terrible, pathetic, worthless creatures unworthy of Gods love (that makes sense right? Even the church has taught us that one). We do not however, have the ability to hinder or help God's ability to save us. It doesn't matter even if we are the most worthless, vilest, despicable thing in all creation, not an ounce of that changes the nature of God, and it is because of the nature of God that we are saved.

Phew! That's a ton of bricks off my chest. That means I can step back and let God do the work on this one, and all this time I thought I had to save myself. Do you know, it is really hard work to carry yourself. It is made all the more difficult by the fact that it is impossible.

So back tracking a bit back up to the story, I asked God why it was that I'd given him the wheel but still didn't feel like he was in control. Well he smiled at me and gave me this image. Jesus is in the drivers seat, in complete control of the car, and I'm sitting in the passenger seat with a little toy wheel sitting in my lap. And there I am dodging obstacles, fighting to stay on the path, weeping and crying out to God in my distress and weariness (after all I can't stop to rest, who would drive the car then?) and I call out to God, "God! Why aren't you helping me! Can't you see how tired I am? Can't you see how hard I'm trying? why don't you save me from this and give me rest? Where are you? Why can't I see you?" And all this time I have my eyes firmly fixed on the obstacles ahead, after all it's up to me to make sure I don't hit them. But this whole time Jesus has been sitting next to me peacefully driving the car around every obstacle and everything that might raise it's strength against us (a couple of times we plowed right through things, I felt so bad for not having the strength to go around) and he's waiting for me to turn and look at him in the midst of my troubles. He knows that once I turn and look at him I will find rest, because he already has control of the wheel, He already has me in his arms safe and sound. Now what he is waiting for is me to trust in his words and to be at peace. But notice something about this picture that is truly beautiful. Even though I have worked myself into a panic, even though I have forgotten the presence of God, that I have forgotten Jesus is right there with me, even though he's waiting for me to turn and look at him. All the things he is waiting for me to do, haven't in the least affected his ability to save me or keep me safe. They've simply affected my ability to see his work in my life. As soon as I turn to him, and trust in him as my source of strength and support, immediately I will know that he has been with me the whole time and see his love for me. Isn't that beautiful? Can we just sigh with relief at that thought? This whole time I've been thinking that I have to read God's mind and then perform his will perfectly, how unfair would that be? I'm so glad God has the wheel on this one, I'm super excited to see where we're going next.

:)

God, Grace, and a Child

In the week that I have had, I've struggled with remembering to have grace with myself. It can be so hard to forgive yourself when you make mistakes and you've messed up yet again, and you can't believe you didn't learn from the last ten times you've made this mistake, and you can't believe your not a better person yet. Well, in struggling with this and in talking to God about it, trying to find a way to live with myself God gave me this picture of how our conversation looked.

God and a young girl are going for a walk, Now the girl is wearing a beautiful white dress, which she is very proud of and delighted in, in makes her feel special every time she see's that dress because it reminds her of God's love for her and his delight in her. "Look!" she thinks to herself, "Look how wonderful a Father I have! He bought me such a beautiful dress!" But as their walking the girl gets distracted by something in the distance, she lets go of God's hand, and very shortly after trips and falls flat on her face in the mud along the side of the path. Seeing her mistake she immediately starts weeping and reaches up to God to lift her up. God reaches down to His daughter, smiling and rejoicing in her trust in Him that she is the sort of daughter who loves and trusts her Father enough to cry out to Him when she falls. He lifts her up and brushes the mud off of her, his eyes full of love the whole time. But the little girl never stops crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Father, I got mud on the beautiful dress you gave me. I'm so sorry, I should never have gotten distracted. I'm so sorry."

God looks at His daughter, the strong love never leaving his eyes, there is laughter in his eyes as well. "I don't know what your talking about, there is no mud on your dress."

"But I fell in the mud, my white dress is covered in mud." This whole time the little girl is crying so hard, and is so afraid to see her beautiful dress covered in mud that she hasn't even bothered to look and see how bad the damage is.

Her Father laughs, knowing that soon her tears will dry and she will see the truth. "What do you mean its covered in mud? Look see for yourself, it is just as white as when I first gave it to you."

"No Father, didn't you hear me? Didn't you see me? I fell in the mud! I'm covered in mud, I'm covered in dirt, my dress is dirty! didn't you see me?"

"Yes, I can see you, my beautiful child with a beautiful dress, look at yourself, not the image of what you think you must look like, trust me, look at yourself and you will see your dress is clean, and so are you."

The little girl looks down, and giggles through her tears. "But Father, how? I fell in the mud! How can it be that my dress is clean?"

"You dress is clean, and it always will be, not because you keep it clean, but because I have given it to you, it is a reflection of me. I will never fall in the mud, and because of that, the mud will never be able to stick to that dress."

The little girl looked up at her Father thoughtfully, then she smiled taking his hand again as they started walking. "I still don't like falling in the mud," She said, and hugged her Father's arm "But I'm glad the mud has no power over my dress." And with that she took off skipping, with her Father right beside her, hand in hand.

Weariness, a Gift of God

I could not rest so well in the evening after a long day of work if I were not weary. God grants us weariness in service for our work so that we might rest. When we get to Heaven I do not think that we will grow weary, but I also do not think we will have any trouble resting in the presence of the Lord at that point. But here and now, is this fallen world, God has blessed us with weariness and has granted us the ability to rest after our labors are done. To rest is a holy thing, God created the world, and then He rested. If we were never weary, I doubt we would ever so fully realize our need for resting in the presence of God. This week has been really hard on me, and I have been exhausted. It is not as though I have done a lot, at least, it is hard for me to account for anything I have really done, but I have been so warn down and weary and I couldn't understand why. I felt that maybe I had done something wrong that let this weariness in, if I had worked all day on something tangible I would believe that I had earned my rest, But all I did was stand firm under the abuse of hard words and accusations that have been thrown at me over and over this week. That's not much right? (well, ok, so maybe its a lot...) But I haven't felt like I was justified in my weariness, like I had to earn more of it as though it was a prize that I had to be worthy enough to earn. But at the same time feeling guilty like I had done something wrong to earn the weariness. I have gone back a forth in a struggle feeling like weariness was a good gift that I didn't deserve, and at the same time it was something to be ashamed of and I'd gotten my weariness because I did deserve it.

Then this morning as I was thinking about it God smiled at me and told me a secret, "weariness is a gift of God". Praise God! Hallelujah! Praise his name forever, for he has given us weariness granted our hearts the gift of coming to the end of ourselves and be able to see, so clearly, or desire and need to rest in God. Hallelujah! :) May the name of our Lord be praised! Thank you Lord, for rest, and for the weariness that is our God-given-heart crying out that we have reached the end and it is a good time to rest. This is a very good thing :) I am glad for my weariness, and glad that God gives us rest.

Christian A-Z

This is a story from the other side of the fence so to speak. It is a story of the grief and frustration of a hurting people who are crying out for something more, but offered nothing but empty hope.

a stranger walked up to me
and asked me for my name
he said he was a christian
and knew I lived in shame
t'was sinning was the problem
it really was so sad
but hope is for the willing
ev'n for one so bad

cuz there's a god that loved me
and his son could take my shame
all I had to do was pray
and speak his holy name

then the stranger left me
with a slip from a-z
on how to be a christian
as he walked away quickly

yes oh christian for duty spare
a few minutes only
and that for conscience sake
but never stay too long
offer an empty message
then forget me when you're gone

seems I'm worth a lot to you
how much more then to your god?
not worth the time it takes
now I see your 'love'

so you speak of this 'god of love'?
well I've heard it all before
my boy friend said he loved me
and walked out the door

he left me just this morning
for a sweeter thinner girl
and now I've found I'm pregnant
and hope abortion is the cure

and look here,
the paper says I have a father
who loves me very much
thats what my father used to say
before he'd beat me up

it also says god loves me
that this jesus is the key
religion and a swear word
will change my life for me

well I've had enough of jesus christ
he's been sworn at me all my life
and the paper says he's dead and gone!
and yet, (its creepy) he's living on and on?

they say he died to save my life
seems a waste to me
how a death so many years ago
could help to set me free
"but wait! he lives!" they say
and yet I live in hell all day

I do not understand your god
your religion seems so strange
you talk about blood and love
and swiftly walk away

all I know of your god sir,
is what I've seen from you
this god you represent
really can't be true

you say he truly loves me
and wants to save my life
and yet I know that you don't care
you've walked away
and left me dieing here

I'm welcome to be a christian
as far as your concerned
my blood is off your hands
you don't even see my pain
you hardly see my eyes
so quick are you to say your spiel
your words are ill formed lies

how dare you speak to me of love?
you do not know my life
I can never have this hope of yours
all I've ever seen is strife

I hate the world I live in
and a hell is coming you say
well let it come and maybe
it will burn the pain away

cuz all I've even known is pain
to hope is a dangerous fare
pain I have long endured
but to hope I shall not dare

so speak your lies no more
upon this broken heart
I almost thought to hope again
this pain has been so hard

but hope is a shattered thing
best to leave alone
the longing in my heart
is worse than hate to bear

so I drop the paper on the ground
its meaningless to me
an empty god and empty hope
is all from you I've seen


and tears fill our Saviors eyes
as watching He longs to embrace,
and we the ones who bear his name
slowly walk away.

Thinking Out Words

(If nothing else this post deserves the title of my blog)

I often wonder what would happen if I let my thoughts come forth untranslated.
To speak the words in my heart sheltered from unknowing.
It is the unknowing that hurts the worst, sometimes my words slip, fly and sing in the open air,
and crash, bruised and raw, shuddering against the ears of the unknowing.


Ah, but what a secret I could tell them, what a story they would hear! If I was stronger, whole-er, harder... break their walls and gain their ear?
But my words would be forgotten in that strength that hardness sought, I would loose the joy of flying if my words I wove like rock.
Better yet to speak my words and let their hardness rub me raw, thought my strength is near to breaking, better than to not at all.
Better yet and this I know, the strength I have is not my own and on this strength I spread my wings, my heart and soul in words I fling like flowers or jewels they come to rest, my heart, their hearts I know I've blessed.


Sometimes perhaps I work to hard, wanting the unknowing to known. Wanting the heart to be known.

The power in the words I think, the words of a fairy tale, the words of a princess, the words of a minstrel, a poet, a wanderer,
the words of someone whose eyes are old, whose laughter knows both the joy of the spring flower bursting forth and the loneliness of the mountain wind, the joy of friendship made and the sorrow at death parted,
the words of someone who loves words, loves the sound of them, loves their changing meaning and the skill, challenge of making words echo thoughts, echo feelings.

But my words are not their words, they speak a language dead, their words are empty, thick, lifeless, strict of form, devoid of meaning. how can I let my words wander lose to clash with theirs? The beauty of the music mixed with the jarring sounds their language makes?
And then to be laughed at, scorned, because they do not understand the music of my words?
But my words have power, and their words are empty, yet I fear them? Let this not be so!

Music is for wholeness hearing, beauty is for heart healing, singing is for beauty showing, loving is for heart knowing.

So my heart with words I speak, my mouth with words I echo not the words that are around me, but speaking power from my heart.

Stories and book ideas

Really, this is for my own benefit, but ya'll are welcome to read it if you're interested

Well first I have Faery Faery which is the book that I'm almost ready to publish, that book is going to be so good. :) It is basically a story of a young girl who wishes that her father can see the world as she sees it, all the beauty that is hidden from the wise grown up people but its plain to a child's eye, it is the story of her father's journey as that wish is granted. It is such a beautiful story, I love the world that is shown there and how much it opens our eyes to different ways to find beauty in even the smallest things around us. I also particularly like how much I can enjoy that story. God gave it to me just as much as I am writing it down and giving it to others. It is my story in that God gave it to me, I am so glad that I get to write it down, and I am so glad that it God's story, as well as my own.


Next I suppose would be the two or three book set that I have been working on just about as long as I've been working on Faery Faery. I am so excited for when I'll get to sit down and write these stories. They are sort of Redwall-esque in flavor being about mice, otters, squirrels and the like. I don't know how to sum up the story in brief, it is not a brief story, but perhaps I can sum it up in the characters that the story revolves around.
Book one - Hedge
-Hedge is a mouse who was born in Haven and lived there through most of his childhood up until the point when he was almost ready to find himself an apprenticeship. Overall he had difficulty fitting in with the mice of Haven, he was always reading the books in the library which were about battles and warriors and other such myths of the lands, and he always struggle following the many rules of the city. He would constantly be in trouble for breaking some rule or other, but the rules never made sense to him, so he always had such a hard time remembering them. finally he broke one rule too many, and too gravely and was banished from the city forever.
-Daisy is a mouse on whose behalf Hedge was banished from Haven, she takes Hedge home with her to stay with her family since he doesn't have anywhere else to go and sense it was because he helped her that he was banished. Daisy learns that Hedge has never seen any other sort of animal besides the mice that live in Haven, so she takes Hedge out to see the shrews who the village mice in the area (not the Haven mice) often trade with. Hedge travels with her and is amazed by all the things he'd never seen before.
-She'el is a squirrel who prefers to think of herself as a Shrew. She meets Hedge when he comes to visit the Shrew camp where she generally lives. she is astonished to learn that Hedge is a mouse of Haven (the mice of Haven do not generally engage with the rest of the world) and she isn't really surprised that he's never seen much of the world. She proposes to extend his trip and to take him to see the otters and a few other notable places in the area. She, Daisy, and a couple other characters I won't take the time to introduce take Hedge on a tour of the world, everything new is a delight to him and food for a starving soul that had been cramped in a tiny sightless city.
-Scrats are a mixture of mostly rats and cats who invade from across the mountain. Hedge runs into a small contingency of their scouting parties before the full scale invasions happens. He and She'el are kidnapped.
-Link is a small golden field mouse who is a slave in the Scrats temporary base this side of the mountains where Hedge and She'el are taken. He helps Hedge and She'el escape.
By the time you meet Link you are somewhere towards the middle of the first book. While Hedge was captured he saw some prisoners of war who were being taken across the mountain for slaves. one of the prisoners, a young mouse was particularly defiant and protective of the other animals who were being mistreated. watching that mouse gave Hedge the inspiration to plot his and She'el's escape as well as to start organizing forces to defend against the Scrats. without anyone really noticing the change Hedge goes from inexperienced youngster to general. given his extensive reading from the old books of war (which turn out to be history books instead of the myths and stories Hedge had been brought up to believe) and a natural knack for strategy and leadership Hedge is able to unite the forces and stand a chance against the Scrats. The book ends with a final battle where the Scrats besiege Haven, Hedges forces are able to rescue the city and finally drive the Scrats back across the mountains. Hedge knows that the battle is not over yet, many creatures, including the young mouse who had first inspired Hedge were still slaves on the other side of the mountain, Hedge is determined to get them back.
Book two has to do with Hedge rescuing and whatnot from across the mountains, but I haven't gotten that far yet. :)



Hero Gram
Hero gram is another idea of mine, hopefully it will have a different name by the time I'm done writing it, it is more of a proper fairy tale sort of story. The princess of the land gets kidnapped no one is quite sure who has kidnapped her or where she might be. The king asks the advice of his prophets and seers who tell him that the hero who will rise up to save the princess lives in a small village on the edge of the kingdom. The king immediately sends messengers to the village looking for the hero. when the messangers reach the village and deliver the message there is great excitement, to think a hero will come from there village! Everyone immediately knows who the hero will be and they bring a handsome young man before the messengers. the messengers are extraordinarily pleased and feel that they are sure this young man must be the hero. They give him a horse and supplies including weapons to aid him in his rescuing the princess. they are unable however, to give him any direction, but since everyone knows heroes are born with their own sort of luck (especially the prophesied heroes) no one really worried about this minor detail. the young mans father is very proud of his oldest son, he also sends off his other son to help the oldest and in hopes that the boy might learn to make a man out of himself instead of constantly living with his nose in a book.
on their way out of town, looking all fancy and shiny, especially the older brother who has all new tack horse and weapons, the two boys pass an old grandma on her donkey riding along. the younger brother is curious as to why old Granny would be headed out of town, but the older brother is not interested enough to stop so they pass her by without even stopping to great her, though the younger brother turns and waves.
old Granny had also heard the news that the messengers had brought about the princess being kidnapped, she also knew who the villagers would pick as the hero and she was about to have none of it. To think leaving the fate of that poor princess to that hands of that young man who hadn't yet learned to respect his elders, now his younger brother had a solid head on his shoulders, but never took his head far enough out of his books to do much good with it either. nope if someone was to rescue the princess it looked like it was going to be her. besides, she doubted anyone else in the village was old enough to remember the words of the old seer who had prophesied that one day a princess would be kidnapped and held in the black tower to the east. besides she was tired of growing old sitting at home doing nothing, she might as well grow old while traveling the world, though it wasn't nearly as comfortable now as it used to be. so thinking old Granny set off with her donkey and a few supplies along with her life savings to find the black tower and the princess.
the two young men have limited success, they are herald where ever they go as the kings heroes set off to rescue the princess, but they never make much headway, the younger brother doesn't really approve of the whole venture at first, he would rather be at home with his books, but he soon finds that talking with people outside of the village is just as good if not better for learning new things. his growing knowledge of the area that he acquires by talking with people where ever he goes soon starts to become increasingly useful, and his older brother after a while begins to grudgingly admit that his younger brother seems to have a better understanding of what is going on than he does. finally it is the younger brother who unearths the black tower legend. the two of them go galavanting off to find the black tower in hopes they will find the princess there.
meantime Granny has found the black tower, snuck in rescued the princess and is teaching the princess how to cook and clean and keep camp so that Granny herself can have a little well earned rest. About a week after rescuing the princess the two young men ride into camp. they had seen their camp fire from a distance and the younger brother thought it would be a good idea to see who was there and get information from them if they could. the older brother had agreed, he'd learned to trust his younger brothers intuition on such matters. all things considered it turned out to be a really good idea.
the two brothers were really surprised to see old Granny so far from home, and even more surprised to see the young lady sitting with a sour expression carefully stirring the pot of food and managing to look down her nose at the whole situation (though while still using the same nose to enjoy the wonderful aromas coming from the pot). Granny and the princess were no longer concerned about trying to hide themselves anymore, no one had stopped long to question the old lady and her "rebellious granddaughter" nothing in the situation of the loudly arguing pair seemed to fit the situation of rescued princess, so they had often been passed by without question entirely. "It will be harder now though, if you guys plan to stay in tow."
The young men rather sheepishly join the pair for dinner, feeling a little bit foolish at being out maneuvered by the old Granny. Though the younger brother thought the situation rather hilarious and was overall very proud of Granny. in the end the decision was that the older brother would ride more directly toward the capital where the king lived and spread rumors that he had rescued the princess and hopefully draw off any threats towards him while the younger brother would stay with Granny and the princess and offer help as he could. it took Granny quite a bit of work to make sure he didn't offer too much help, it was her opinion that the princess should work off her rescue since it was her own fault she was captured in the first place.
they meet up with the older brother a while later at a predefined meeting place near the capital city. the older brother is ecstatic to see that they are all well and safe, he has had a lot of time to think things over while he was traveling alone and is now very much humbled. He changes back into farmer clothes and only goes before the king so that he can return the stuff he'd borrowed when everyone thought he was the hero. Granny refuses a heroes party and insists that the story of how the princess was rescued remain a mystery. since very few people weren't willing to believe an old Granny rescued the princess when a young man who was good looking and strong couldn't, it was easy enough to make happen.
the older brother went back to his father in the village and settled down as a farmer, which turned out to be something he was very good at. the younger boy and the princess had of course fallen in love, so Granny and the young boy stay in the capital city where they use the reward money to buy a house and let the boy attend the university where he can have all the books he could ever want to read. after a few years when the princess and the younger brother are both older and still even more in love they decide to get married and the younger brother lives to become king of the realm. Granny lives to be very old and very happy and very proud of both the younger brother and the princess.

Sorting

So I've been doing a lot of sorting in my head, I am trying to get my brain back in order so that I can write more. I have a book that I am so excited to finish and get published. It's all written out I just need to finish editing it and fill in a few connecting points. It is an amazing feeling to have a book written from beginning to end, I can't wait to see what it will be like when its finished and published (w00t!) :) It is taking me a long time to get there though. I've had to get back into the practice of writing, and the practice of listening. My book is about a young girl who sees and hears the beauty of the world differently, more distinctly than the people around her, I can't finish the story until I relearn to see and hear the world like the little girl in the book. That has been a fun journey in rediscovering myself, somehow I'd forgotten how peaceful the world can be when we allow ourselves the time to sit and listen. I had a fantastic conversation with God the other day, I went for a walk with him and we were sitting on a fallen tree in this little green belt area of trees near my house. I was looking out at the trees around me and listening to the relative silence. God sort of tapped me on the shoulder and drew my attention to a tree down the way a bit.
"Look at that tree! Isn't it an amazing tree, I really like that tree. I made it. It's a really nice tree."
Normally looking at that tree I wouldn't have seen anything particularly awesome about it, it was a pretty ordinary looking tree. But with God sitting there with me taking pride in his creation, the tree became one of the most uniquely beautiful things I had ever seen. As was the next tree God pointed out, and the next. I laughed in agreement with God, his trees were all so beautiful. It is days like those that remind me what it means to be wrapped in the presence of our Lord, and to be on holy ground. :) I love listening to God delight in his children and his creation. I love the way he talks about his creation, the way he talks about me. I love the warmth of his love.

I've been reading and catching up on the blog of one of my dear friends Ruth Ann and it has given me quite the inspiration. God has been teaching us both about how to get our life in order which has been fantastic to watch take shape in both of our lives. God gave Ruth Ann a list of 10 things (guidelines more than actual rules) that if she follows she will have order and productivity. God has held true to his word and it has been a blessing to watch her life and house come ever more into order. It has also been encouraging, God has given me a similar sort of list, though mine is smaller but it's growing little by little.

It's been interesting, the thing that I want most right now is to finish my book, but that is the one thing I have not been able to sit down and do. My life and my brain have to be in order before I will be able to finish my book, so I have been doing my best to let myself rest and heal and follow God's leading on this whole order thing. The growth I have seen in myself has been fantastic, the healing has been phenomenal :) I am very comfortable in my own skin, which is something that I haven't always been the last few years. I am so excited to see where God will take me next! It is going to be so cool!! :)

One of the things God has been teaching me lately, has been about speaking his promises out loud when you get them. When God gives you a promise, when he gives you a victory or blessing, anything awesome and praiseworthy, don't keep it to yourself, speak it out loud, talk about it, praise God with it, share the awesome power of its goodness, even if it is something that God has promised and it hasn't happened yet it is still good to speak it out loud. Saying the things that are not as though they are, it releases an amazing sort of power and for me personally it helps be remember and believe that God is faithful and he will fulfill his promise no matter how crazy it might sound at the time. It is important to be aware that there are some people out there who have a hard time dreaming and will go out of their way to crush other peoples dreams, these aren't the sort of people to go to in excitement about something that God has given you, some promise of a thing yet to come, a vision or dream. There are other, safer people to bring your dreams to, it is not necessary to tell everyone, it isn't even wise. But it is also not wise to keep your dreams to yourself. they are awesome! And the awesomeness is better when it is shared!

That being said I have things to share :)

I mentioned earlier that God has given me a list of things to do every day. It is a very short list and there are things that I would love to add to it but haven't been given permission yet. At first it consisted of two things:

Go for a walk in the morning.
Exercise.

I tell you what, just having those two things to start my day with, has been amazing. I've recently had another thing added to my list, which seems redundant considering how much of this I've been doing anyways, but God knows what he is doing :) so I've added it to the list.

Rest.

That seems like a good idea, the one thing that hasn't been added to my list yet is write. I really want to get to a place where I am writing more regularly, and I have been writing more regularly which has been awesome, but so far God hasn't officially added it to my list *sigh*, at least not yet. :) But today he did give me a writing assignment, which I am super excited about. :) My assignment was to write this blog, specifically about the struggles I have had in sorting out my brain and organizing my life and how those struggles have hindered my ability to write, and then now the best part :) I'm suppose to write about all the things that I will be writing all the books I have planned out in my head. This is a really exciting thought for me, I don't usually talk much about the stories I have in my head. It is so hard to explain them to people until they are stories and not just ideas. But here I go :) I have God's blessing on this so I know its going to be good :)

(lol, not even sure I know where to start it is going to be long enough though, that I think I shall give it its own blog)