God, Grace, and a Child

In the week that I have had, I've struggled with remembering to have grace with myself. It can be so hard to forgive yourself when you make mistakes and you've messed up yet again, and you can't believe you didn't learn from the last ten times you've made this mistake, and you can't believe your not a better person yet. Well, in struggling with this and in talking to God about it, trying to find a way to live with myself God gave me this picture of how our conversation looked.

God and a young girl are going for a walk, Now the girl is wearing a beautiful white dress, which she is very proud of and delighted in, in makes her feel special every time she see's that dress because it reminds her of God's love for her and his delight in her. "Look!" she thinks to herself, "Look how wonderful a Father I have! He bought me such a beautiful dress!" But as their walking the girl gets distracted by something in the distance, she lets go of God's hand, and very shortly after trips and falls flat on her face in the mud along the side of the path. Seeing her mistake she immediately starts weeping and reaches up to God to lift her up. God reaches down to His daughter, smiling and rejoicing in her trust in Him that she is the sort of daughter who loves and trusts her Father enough to cry out to Him when she falls. He lifts her up and brushes the mud off of her, his eyes full of love the whole time. But the little girl never stops crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Father, I got mud on the beautiful dress you gave me. I'm so sorry, I should never have gotten distracted. I'm so sorry."

God looks at His daughter, the strong love never leaving his eyes, there is laughter in his eyes as well. "I don't know what your talking about, there is no mud on your dress."

"But I fell in the mud, my white dress is covered in mud." This whole time the little girl is crying so hard, and is so afraid to see her beautiful dress covered in mud that she hasn't even bothered to look and see how bad the damage is.

Her Father laughs, knowing that soon her tears will dry and she will see the truth. "What do you mean its covered in mud? Look see for yourself, it is just as white as when I first gave it to you."

"No Father, didn't you hear me? Didn't you see me? I fell in the mud! I'm covered in mud, I'm covered in dirt, my dress is dirty! didn't you see me?"

"Yes, I can see you, my beautiful child with a beautiful dress, look at yourself, not the image of what you think you must look like, trust me, look at yourself and you will see your dress is clean, and so are you."

The little girl looks down, and giggles through her tears. "But Father, how? I fell in the mud! How can it be that my dress is clean?"

"You dress is clean, and it always will be, not because you keep it clean, but because I have given it to you, it is a reflection of me. I will never fall in the mud, and because of that, the mud will never be able to stick to that dress."

The little girl looked up at her Father thoughtfully, then she smiled taking his hand again as they started walking. "I still don't like falling in the mud," She said, and hugged her Father's arm "But I'm glad the mud has no power over my dress." And with that she took off skipping, with her Father right beside her, hand in hand.

Weariness, a Gift of God

I could not rest so well in the evening after a long day of work if I were not weary. God grants us weariness in service for our work so that we might rest. When we get to Heaven I do not think that we will grow weary, but I also do not think we will have any trouble resting in the presence of the Lord at that point. But here and now, is this fallen world, God has blessed us with weariness and has granted us the ability to rest after our labors are done. To rest is a holy thing, God created the world, and then He rested. If we were never weary, I doubt we would ever so fully realize our need for resting in the presence of God. This week has been really hard on me, and I have been exhausted. It is not as though I have done a lot, at least, it is hard for me to account for anything I have really done, but I have been so warn down and weary and I couldn't understand why. I felt that maybe I had done something wrong that let this weariness in, if I had worked all day on something tangible I would believe that I had earned my rest, But all I did was stand firm under the abuse of hard words and accusations that have been thrown at me over and over this week. That's not much right? (well, ok, so maybe its a lot...) But I haven't felt like I was justified in my weariness, like I had to earn more of it as though it was a prize that I had to be worthy enough to earn. But at the same time feeling guilty like I had done something wrong to earn the weariness. I have gone back a forth in a struggle feeling like weariness was a good gift that I didn't deserve, and at the same time it was something to be ashamed of and I'd gotten my weariness because I did deserve it.

Then this morning as I was thinking about it God smiled at me and told me a secret, "weariness is a gift of God". Praise God! Hallelujah! Praise his name forever, for he has given us weariness granted our hearts the gift of coming to the end of ourselves and be able to see, so clearly, or desire and need to rest in God. Hallelujah! :) May the name of our Lord be praised! Thank you Lord, for rest, and for the weariness that is our God-given-heart crying out that we have reached the end and it is a good time to rest. This is a very good thing :) I am glad for my weariness, and glad that God gives us rest.

Christian A-Z

This is a story from the other side of the fence so to speak. It is a story of the grief and frustration of a hurting people who are crying out for something more, but offered nothing but empty hope.

a stranger walked up to me
and asked me for my name
he said he was a christian
and knew I lived in shame
t'was sinning was the problem
it really was so sad
but hope is for the willing
ev'n for one so bad

cuz there's a god that loved me
and his son could take my shame
all I had to do was pray
and speak his holy name

then the stranger left me
with a slip from a-z
on how to be a christian
as he walked away quickly

yes oh christian for duty spare
a few minutes only
and that for conscience sake
but never stay too long
offer an empty message
then forget me when you're gone

seems I'm worth a lot to you
how much more then to your god?
not worth the time it takes
now I see your 'love'

so you speak of this 'god of love'?
well I've heard it all before
my boy friend said he loved me
and walked out the door

he left me just this morning
for a sweeter thinner girl
and now I've found I'm pregnant
and hope abortion is the cure

and look here,
the paper says I have a father
who loves me very much
thats what my father used to say
before he'd beat me up

it also says god loves me
that this jesus is the key
religion and a swear word
will change my life for me

well I've had enough of jesus christ
he's been sworn at me all my life
and the paper says he's dead and gone!
and yet, (its creepy) he's living on and on?

they say he died to save my life
seems a waste to me
how a death so many years ago
could help to set me free
"but wait! he lives!" they say
and yet I live in hell all day

I do not understand your god
your religion seems so strange
you talk about blood and love
and swiftly walk away

all I know of your god sir,
is what I've seen from you
this god you represent
really can't be true

you say he truly loves me
and wants to save my life
and yet I know that you don't care
you've walked away
and left me dieing here

I'm welcome to be a christian
as far as your concerned
my blood is off your hands
you don't even see my pain
you hardly see my eyes
so quick are you to say your spiel
your words are ill formed lies

how dare you speak to me of love?
you do not know my life
I can never have this hope of yours
all I've ever seen is strife

I hate the world I live in
and a hell is coming you say
well let it come and maybe
it will burn the pain away

cuz all I've even known is pain
to hope is a dangerous fare
pain I have long endured
but to hope I shall not dare

so speak your lies no more
upon this broken heart
I almost thought to hope again
this pain has been so hard

but hope is a shattered thing
best to leave alone
the longing in my heart
is worse than hate to bear

so I drop the paper on the ground
its meaningless to me
an empty god and empty hope
is all from you I've seen


and tears fill our Saviors eyes
as watching He longs to embrace,
and we the ones who bear his name
slowly walk away.

Thinking Out Words

(If nothing else this post deserves the title of my blog)

I often wonder what would happen if I let my thoughts come forth untranslated.
To speak the words in my heart sheltered from unknowing.
It is the unknowing that hurts the worst, sometimes my words slip, fly and sing in the open air,
and crash, bruised and raw, shuddering against the ears of the unknowing.


Ah, but what a secret I could tell them, what a story they would hear! If I was stronger, whole-er, harder... break their walls and gain their ear?
But my words would be forgotten in that strength that hardness sought, I would loose the joy of flying if my words I wove like rock.
Better yet to speak my words and let their hardness rub me raw, thought my strength is near to breaking, better than to not at all.
Better yet and this I know, the strength I have is not my own and on this strength I spread my wings, my heart and soul in words I fling like flowers or jewels they come to rest, my heart, their hearts I know I've blessed.


Sometimes perhaps I work to hard, wanting the unknowing to known. Wanting the heart to be known.

The power in the words I think, the words of a fairy tale, the words of a princess, the words of a minstrel, a poet, a wanderer,
the words of someone whose eyes are old, whose laughter knows both the joy of the spring flower bursting forth and the loneliness of the mountain wind, the joy of friendship made and the sorrow at death parted,
the words of someone who loves words, loves the sound of them, loves their changing meaning and the skill, challenge of making words echo thoughts, echo feelings.

But my words are not their words, they speak a language dead, their words are empty, thick, lifeless, strict of form, devoid of meaning. how can I let my words wander lose to clash with theirs? The beauty of the music mixed with the jarring sounds their language makes?
And then to be laughed at, scorned, because they do not understand the music of my words?
But my words have power, and their words are empty, yet I fear them? Let this not be so!

Music is for wholeness hearing, beauty is for heart healing, singing is for beauty showing, loving is for heart knowing.

So my heart with words I speak, my mouth with words I echo not the words that are around me, but speaking power from my heart.

Stories and book ideas

Really, this is for my own benefit, but ya'll are welcome to read it if you're interested

Well first I have Faery Faery which is the book that I'm almost ready to publish, that book is going to be so good. :) It is basically a story of a young girl who wishes that her father can see the world as she sees it, all the beauty that is hidden from the wise grown up people but its plain to a child's eye, it is the story of her father's journey as that wish is granted. It is such a beautiful story, I love the world that is shown there and how much it opens our eyes to different ways to find beauty in even the smallest things around us. I also particularly like how much I can enjoy that story. God gave it to me just as much as I am writing it down and giving it to others. It is my story in that God gave it to me, I am so glad that I get to write it down, and I am so glad that it God's story, as well as my own.


Next I suppose would be the two or three book set that I have been working on just about as long as I've been working on Faery Faery. I am so excited for when I'll get to sit down and write these stories. They are sort of Redwall-esque in flavor being about mice, otters, squirrels and the like. I don't know how to sum up the story in brief, it is not a brief story, but perhaps I can sum it up in the characters that the story revolves around.
Book one - Hedge
-Hedge is a mouse who was born in Haven and lived there through most of his childhood up until the point when he was almost ready to find himself an apprenticeship. Overall he had difficulty fitting in with the mice of Haven, he was always reading the books in the library which were about battles and warriors and other such myths of the lands, and he always struggle following the many rules of the city. He would constantly be in trouble for breaking some rule or other, but the rules never made sense to him, so he always had such a hard time remembering them. finally he broke one rule too many, and too gravely and was banished from the city forever.
-Daisy is a mouse on whose behalf Hedge was banished from Haven, she takes Hedge home with her to stay with her family since he doesn't have anywhere else to go and sense it was because he helped her that he was banished. Daisy learns that Hedge has never seen any other sort of animal besides the mice that live in Haven, so she takes Hedge out to see the shrews who the village mice in the area (not the Haven mice) often trade with. Hedge travels with her and is amazed by all the things he'd never seen before.
-She'el is a squirrel who prefers to think of herself as a Shrew. She meets Hedge when he comes to visit the Shrew camp where she generally lives. she is astonished to learn that Hedge is a mouse of Haven (the mice of Haven do not generally engage with the rest of the world) and she isn't really surprised that he's never seen much of the world. She proposes to extend his trip and to take him to see the otters and a few other notable places in the area. She, Daisy, and a couple other characters I won't take the time to introduce take Hedge on a tour of the world, everything new is a delight to him and food for a starving soul that had been cramped in a tiny sightless city.
-Scrats are a mixture of mostly rats and cats who invade from across the mountain. Hedge runs into a small contingency of their scouting parties before the full scale invasions happens. He and She'el are kidnapped.
-Link is a small golden field mouse who is a slave in the Scrats temporary base this side of the mountains where Hedge and She'el are taken. He helps Hedge and She'el escape.
By the time you meet Link you are somewhere towards the middle of the first book. While Hedge was captured he saw some prisoners of war who were being taken across the mountain for slaves. one of the prisoners, a young mouse was particularly defiant and protective of the other animals who were being mistreated. watching that mouse gave Hedge the inspiration to plot his and She'el's escape as well as to start organizing forces to defend against the Scrats. without anyone really noticing the change Hedge goes from inexperienced youngster to general. given his extensive reading from the old books of war (which turn out to be history books instead of the myths and stories Hedge had been brought up to believe) and a natural knack for strategy and leadership Hedge is able to unite the forces and stand a chance against the Scrats. The book ends with a final battle where the Scrats besiege Haven, Hedges forces are able to rescue the city and finally drive the Scrats back across the mountains. Hedge knows that the battle is not over yet, many creatures, including the young mouse who had first inspired Hedge were still slaves on the other side of the mountain, Hedge is determined to get them back.
Book two has to do with Hedge rescuing and whatnot from across the mountains, but I haven't gotten that far yet. :)



Hero Gram
Hero gram is another idea of mine, hopefully it will have a different name by the time I'm done writing it, it is more of a proper fairy tale sort of story. The princess of the land gets kidnapped no one is quite sure who has kidnapped her or where she might be. The king asks the advice of his prophets and seers who tell him that the hero who will rise up to save the princess lives in a small village on the edge of the kingdom. The king immediately sends messengers to the village looking for the hero. when the messangers reach the village and deliver the message there is great excitement, to think a hero will come from there village! Everyone immediately knows who the hero will be and they bring a handsome young man before the messengers. the messengers are extraordinarily pleased and feel that they are sure this young man must be the hero. They give him a horse and supplies including weapons to aid him in his rescuing the princess. they are unable however, to give him any direction, but since everyone knows heroes are born with their own sort of luck (especially the prophesied heroes) no one really worried about this minor detail. the young mans father is very proud of his oldest son, he also sends off his other son to help the oldest and in hopes that the boy might learn to make a man out of himself instead of constantly living with his nose in a book.
on their way out of town, looking all fancy and shiny, especially the older brother who has all new tack horse and weapons, the two boys pass an old grandma on her donkey riding along. the younger brother is curious as to why old Granny would be headed out of town, but the older brother is not interested enough to stop so they pass her by without even stopping to great her, though the younger brother turns and waves.
old Granny had also heard the news that the messengers had brought about the princess being kidnapped, she also knew who the villagers would pick as the hero and she was about to have none of it. To think leaving the fate of that poor princess to that hands of that young man who hadn't yet learned to respect his elders, now his younger brother had a solid head on his shoulders, but never took his head far enough out of his books to do much good with it either. nope if someone was to rescue the princess it looked like it was going to be her. besides, she doubted anyone else in the village was old enough to remember the words of the old seer who had prophesied that one day a princess would be kidnapped and held in the black tower to the east. besides she was tired of growing old sitting at home doing nothing, she might as well grow old while traveling the world, though it wasn't nearly as comfortable now as it used to be. so thinking old Granny set off with her donkey and a few supplies along with her life savings to find the black tower and the princess.
the two young men have limited success, they are herald where ever they go as the kings heroes set off to rescue the princess, but they never make much headway, the younger brother doesn't really approve of the whole venture at first, he would rather be at home with his books, but he soon finds that talking with people outside of the village is just as good if not better for learning new things. his growing knowledge of the area that he acquires by talking with people where ever he goes soon starts to become increasingly useful, and his older brother after a while begins to grudgingly admit that his younger brother seems to have a better understanding of what is going on than he does. finally it is the younger brother who unearths the black tower legend. the two of them go galavanting off to find the black tower in hopes they will find the princess there.
meantime Granny has found the black tower, snuck in rescued the princess and is teaching the princess how to cook and clean and keep camp so that Granny herself can have a little well earned rest. About a week after rescuing the princess the two young men ride into camp. they had seen their camp fire from a distance and the younger brother thought it would be a good idea to see who was there and get information from them if they could. the older brother had agreed, he'd learned to trust his younger brothers intuition on such matters. all things considered it turned out to be a really good idea.
the two brothers were really surprised to see old Granny so far from home, and even more surprised to see the young lady sitting with a sour expression carefully stirring the pot of food and managing to look down her nose at the whole situation (though while still using the same nose to enjoy the wonderful aromas coming from the pot). Granny and the princess were no longer concerned about trying to hide themselves anymore, no one had stopped long to question the old lady and her "rebellious granddaughter" nothing in the situation of the loudly arguing pair seemed to fit the situation of rescued princess, so they had often been passed by without question entirely. "It will be harder now though, if you guys plan to stay in tow."
The young men rather sheepishly join the pair for dinner, feeling a little bit foolish at being out maneuvered by the old Granny. Though the younger brother thought the situation rather hilarious and was overall very proud of Granny. in the end the decision was that the older brother would ride more directly toward the capital where the king lived and spread rumors that he had rescued the princess and hopefully draw off any threats towards him while the younger brother would stay with Granny and the princess and offer help as he could. it took Granny quite a bit of work to make sure he didn't offer too much help, it was her opinion that the princess should work off her rescue since it was her own fault she was captured in the first place.
they meet up with the older brother a while later at a predefined meeting place near the capital city. the older brother is ecstatic to see that they are all well and safe, he has had a lot of time to think things over while he was traveling alone and is now very much humbled. He changes back into farmer clothes and only goes before the king so that he can return the stuff he'd borrowed when everyone thought he was the hero. Granny refuses a heroes party and insists that the story of how the princess was rescued remain a mystery. since very few people weren't willing to believe an old Granny rescued the princess when a young man who was good looking and strong couldn't, it was easy enough to make happen.
the older brother went back to his father in the village and settled down as a farmer, which turned out to be something he was very good at. the younger boy and the princess had of course fallen in love, so Granny and the young boy stay in the capital city where they use the reward money to buy a house and let the boy attend the university where he can have all the books he could ever want to read. after a few years when the princess and the younger brother are both older and still even more in love they decide to get married and the younger brother lives to become king of the realm. Granny lives to be very old and very happy and very proud of both the younger brother and the princess.

Sorting

So I've been doing a lot of sorting in my head, I am trying to get my brain back in order so that I can write more. I have a book that I am so excited to finish and get published. It's all written out I just need to finish editing it and fill in a few connecting points. It is an amazing feeling to have a book written from beginning to end, I can't wait to see what it will be like when its finished and published (w00t!) :) It is taking me a long time to get there though. I've had to get back into the practice of writing, and the practice of listening. My book is about a young girl who sees and hears the beauty of the world differently, more distinctly than the people around her, I can't finish the story until I relearn to see and hear the world like the little girl in the book. That has been a fun journey in rediscovering myself, somehow I'd forgotten how peaceful the world can be when we allow ourselves the time to sit and listen. I had a fantastic conversation with God the other day, I went for a walk with him and we were sitting on a fallen tree in this little green belt area of trees near my house. I was looking out at the trees around me and listening to the relative silence. God sort of tapped me on the shoulder and drew my attention to a tree down the way a bit.
"Look at that tree! Isn't it an amazing tree, I really like that tree. I made it. It's a really nice tree."
Normally looking at that tree I wouldn't have seen anything particularly awesome about it, it was a pretty ordinary looking tree. But with God sitting there with me taking pride in his creation, the tree became one of the most uniquely beautiful things I had ever seen. As was the next tree God pointed out, and the next. I laughed in agreement with God, his trees were all so beautiful. It is days like those that remind me what it means to be wrapped in the presence of our Lord, and to be on holy ground. :) I love listening to God delight in his children and his creation. I love the way he talks about his creation, the way he talks about me. I love the warmth of his love.

I've been reading and catching up on the blog of one of my dear friends Ruth Ann and it has given me quite the inspiration. God has been teaching us both about how to get our life in order which has been fantastic to watch take shape in both of our lives. God gave Ruth Ann a list of 10 things (guidelines more than actual rules) that if she follows she will have order and productivity. God has held true to his word and it has been a blessing to watch her life and house come ever more into order. It has also been encouraging, God has given me a similar sort of list, though mine is smaller but it's growing little by little.

It's been interesting, the thing that I want most right now is to finish my book, but that is the one thing I have not been able to sit down and do. My life and my brain have to be in order before I will be able to finish my book, so I have been doing my best to let myself rest and heal and follow God's leading on this whole order thing. The growth I have seen in myself has been fantastic, the healing has been phenomenal :) I am very comfortable in my own skin, which is something that I haven't always been the last few years. I am so excited to see where God will take me next! It is going to be so cool!! :)

One of the things God has been teaching me lately, has been about speaking his promises out loud when you get them. When God gives you a promise, when he gives you a victory or blessing, anything awesome and praiseworthy, don't keep it to yourself, speak it out loud, talk about it, praise God with it, share the awesome power of its goodness, even if it is something that God has promised and it hasn't happened yet it is still good to speak it out loud. Saying the things that are not as though they are, it releases an amazing sort of power and for me personally it helps be remember and believe that God is faithful and he will fulfill his promise no matter how crazy it might sound at the time. It is important to be aware that there are some people out there who have a hard time dreaming and will go out of their way to crush other peoples dreams, these aren't the sort of people to go to in excitement about something that God has given you, some promise of a thing yet to come, a vision or dream. There are other, safer people to bring your dreams to, it is not necessary to tell everyone, it isn't even wise. But it is also not wise to keep your dreams to yourself. they are awesome! And the awesomeness is better when it is shared!

That being said I have things to share :)

I mentioned earlier that God has given me a list of things to do every day. It is a very short list and there are things that I would love to add to it but haven't been given permission yet. At first it consisted of two things:

Go for a walk in the morning.
Exercise.

I tell you what, just having those two things to start my day with, has been amazing. I've recently had another thing added to my list, which seems redundant considering how much of this I've been doing anyways, but God knows what he is doing :) so I've added it to the list.

Rest.

That seems like a good idea, the one thing that hasn't been added to my list yet is write. I really want to get to a place where I am writing more regularly, and I have been writing more regularly which has been awesome, but so far God hasn't officially added it to my list *sigh*, at least not yet. :) But today he did give me a writing assignment, which I am super excited about. :) My assignment was to write this blog, specifically about the struggles I have had in sorting out my brain and organizing my life and how those struggles have hindered my ability to write, and then now the best part :) I'm suppose to write about all the things that I will be writing all the books I have planned out in my head. This is a really exciting thought for me, I don't usually talk much about the stories I have in my head. It is so hard to explain them to people until they are stories and not just ideas. But here I go :) I have God's blessing on this so I know its going to be good :)

(lol, not even sure I know where to start it is going to be long enough though, that I think I shall give it its own blog)

Fear

It has been a while since I've written anything here. The main reason for that has been because of fear.

I have been afraid of many things. What if I write something and it is misunderstood? What if I write something and it is empty and meaningless? What if it is completely devoid of God's power? What might that say about me? What might people think of me then? Fear is debilitating. It paints twisted pictures and distorts our vision of God and reality, casting doubt on all that we hold dear. Worst of all, it takes our eyes off of God and focuses them on the things that may or may not be.

I have been choosing to give into fear, and it has been destroying my life and my relationship with God. God is so amazing, He is taking the time I have spent battling fear and making something beautiful out of it. I have felt so discouraged lately, felt like I've lost so much time. Even that is a sign of fear though; I'm afraid that God can't redeem the time that I have lost. But He can and He will (and is). I can't wait to see where He takes me next. This is going to be awesome!

I was reading another blog article which a good friend of mine wrote and I ran across this near the end of the article. It is a quote from a George MacDonald book "The Prodigal's Apprentice" its talking about slavery to fear
"You must break the bonds of that slavery. No slave can be a servant of God, his servants are all free men."
Servants of God are all free men... that line right there really caught my attention. Sheds new light to the verse that talks about how you can't have two masters. God wants us to be free servants to him, but we can't be free in God's name if we are slaves to somebody else. Interesting thought isn't it? Our God is a jealous God, he wants us to be loyal only to him. Because if we're not, we're slaves to something else.

So what do I have in my life that is hindering my freedom and ability to serve God? What have I been a slave to?

I have been a slave to fear, constantly running away from all the things that might hurt. You know things are never as scary if you face them head on? Fear is a packet of lies, its only hope is to convince you that it is really scarier than it is. I like the saying, fear is a coward. you look fear dead on in the eyes, he'll run away with his tail between his legs.

Fear takes on many forms, if you listen to it it can show you many things in the world to fear. Like judgment, I have been very afraid of peoples judgment in my life. Though most afraid of my own. What if people don't think I'm good enough? What if I don't think I'm good enough? What if God doesn't think I'm good enough?

I have tried to defend myself from peoples judgments, tried to defend myself from myself, never worked out well. But that is because I haven't been seeing the real problem. Slavery to fear.

I have also been afraid of failure. What if I fail? What will happen then? People always expect so much of me, what will they think of me if I fail? How many people will I disappoint then? You know, it seems strange, but in order to succeed, you have to give yourself permission to fail.

I'm choosing to give up on fear. I don't know how that will work, or what that will look like. Fear has been apart of my life all through my growing up years. But God knows what my life looks like without fear. He's the one that does the magic, all I have to do is make the choice continually to be free in Gods name.

I choose to give up on fear. I am not a child of fear, but a child of hope.

So this is me, free from fear, speaking the things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). I love being without fear, the world is so much brighter, so much... more free. I can do things like write this blog and not worry about the fact that it is disjointed and jumps around from thought to thought. I can enjoy the process of writing without being hindered by the fear of what people will think of the end product. I am free to succeed or fail as I see fit. I am free to live whatever life I choose, and I choose to live the life of God.

I love being free.